Hello again friends and thank you for stopping by the ’Air Mail’ blog here at ‘Motocross Saved My Life’s website. With the current status of the world and it’s all encompassing chaos, I thought it would be a good idea to get back to something that I truly love, writing. Without a doubt, the last few months for Gisela and I, and most of you I am sure, has grown increasingly hectic. Without picking a start or an end point, as to how we got to where we now are, or where we are headed for that matter, I am again reminded of what is most important in life, to ‘me’. The operative word in that sentence being ‘me’, as we are all different. Obviously what works for one, may not work for another. When I wrote ‘Motocross Saved My Life From It’s Darkness’, I took a full two years off of the social media platform of Facebook while doing so. Without having the daily ‘habitual’ distractions of trying to keep up on everything and everyone, on a seemingly need to know basis, I was able remain uni-focussed on the arduous task at hand of writing and processing my life. Doing this, helped me maintain a sole vision in my mind of what I wanted the final product to look like, feel like and convey. I have just read through the book again and believe that everything that I sacrificed by doing so, was well worth it.
For the two years that I wrote, I hated almost every single thing about myself, while self loathing and re-living every gut wrenching moment. I have had many of you reach out to me after reading my memoir, I thank you all for that. I have also sincerely appreciated your feedback. As a result of all of this, it has only strengthened my personal resolve, to continue to carry my message of hope for all of ‘Mankind’, who has struggled or is struggling. The world may seem an uncertain and chaotic mess at times, but after the life I have led to this point, my common denominator will always now be one of hope. Living daily with my many physical and mental health demons, has in a way, been a blessing. Only because it reminds me in every moment of uncertainty, heartache, physical and or mental pain, surgery, infection or whatever, that it is only a temporary situation. You may have heard, ‘This too shall pass’. I will be the first to admit that my innate response to this cliche’ at times, has been a single digit, flightless bird, hand signal. I now know that type of attitude is a death sentence for people like me. Daily positive conditioning is a must or else bad things will happen!
Facing certain realities head on about one’s self being, or other extraneously exhausting scenarios like the one that the world is now confronted with, can be deflating and demoralizing if we let it… It does not have to be though, at least in my opinion anyway. I have medical procedures that have now been cancelled but believe that everything is happening for a reason. Do I want to know the reasons, absolutely not. I have heard it over and over again, that happiness is a choice. Indeed it is. I only know this as a result of living daily with PTSD Depression and a laundry list of other health issues for many years. On the daily, I must make a conscious effort to focus forward positively and count my blessings. Trust me, there are so many blessings, but I often need to remind myself that they are there. The fact that you are reading this, is all the proof I need in this moment. It is a blessing. Again I thank you for your support of what I believe is and can be a greater good. I have personally harboured enough anger, emotional and physical pain, frustration and despair for a lifetime. Not to mention the hurt and despair I have caused others. A colleague of mine and I used joke at the City of Vancouver about ‘the war being over’ at the time, mine certainly was not. Today, even though I battle daily, I no longer feel like I am in a physical and mental health ‘war.’ In the same sense that I will only ever have an alcohol problem again, if I pick up a drink and make it my problem. Living in the mental health or ‘mental wealth’ solution, is a personal battle for each individual afflicted. It is something we must address and meet head on daily. Prayer is powerful, it works, for me anyway. Even if my morning prayer is like this and trust me, many are “Hey S.O.B. in the sky, I can’t do this by myself today, I need your help, help give me the strength I need to fight through another day” My point is that, there are no rules and trust me, God is a great listener.
There are no guarantees and no real blueprint for success either. I do not know what will work for someone else. All I can ever do is share my own personal experiences, strengths and hopes. In my case, I have two physical therapists a psychologist and a doctor who I confide in. As I say this, it seems that the goal posts on strength’s and weakness have moved considerably in my lifetime in this regard. I will not say that completely gone are the ‘suck it up butter cup’ days but…….Somehow I have found strength in weakness, even if that weakness is the vulnerability or genuine humility to say, ‘Hey, I can not do this on my own, I need help’ Pride is one of the ’Seven Deadly Sins’ for a reason! It may not be a spoon full of sugar on the way down, but for me it is best swallowed whole daily!
Being one who has felt the pain, suffering and despair of sitting for hours with a serrated knife pressed tightly to the pulse of his own lifeline, I now know and believe first hand that there is always hope. Depression is not and does not have to be a death sentence. However, from what I have experienced on my own journey, I now believe that my symptoms were present long before recognizing them. Years before my spinal cord, brain injuries and substance abuse! Another huge problem, (thankfully no longer for me) is worrying about the stigmatism attached to ‘Mental Health’ claims. For example PTSD was first recognized by the American Psychiatric Association in 1980 but recognized it as a ‘Mental Health’ disorder. I can wholeheartedly agree that it is indeed that, but… I also believe as a result of the stigma attached to the term ‘Mental Health Disorder’ in itself, since its inception (and still to this day) has prejudiced and handicapped many from gaining personal help or helpful insight for loved ones. Again, my mantra is to be, ‘part of the solution’ and pontificate as loudly as I can as a voice of hope. On a somewhat related advocation note, I also believe that the neck brace that I was wearing when I made a ‘human taco’’ out of myself, saved my life. If you are going to ride a dirt bike, don’t walk, RUN and buy yourself a neck brace. No matter what you have heard or think, I will always believe in my heart, that the only reason that I am still here (besides the unconditional love of my best friend and soul mate Gisela) is that I had a neck brace on when it mattered the most. Friends, let’s make this matter always, you never know when it may matter most and you are worth it, I believe that. Zoe, thank you for passing along a copy of Motocross Saved My Life’ to Dr. Chris Leatt. I have no financial affiliation with any neck brace companies. Atlas Brace has a great product as well and has always supported my efforts. For that I am grateful. I am also grateful to see the passion that they have for keeping our riders and our sports future as safe as possible. At the end of the day, seeing more neck braces at the Motocross track will put an even bigger smile on my face.
Not disposing of negative thoughts for me, by turning them over into positives can have catastrophic results. Even if the solution in a desperate moment, is not expanding on or talking to another about ideation with knives, guns, open windows or whatever. No, I will not insert a winking emoji or anything like that here. ‘Mental Wealth Matters’ are SERIOUS! The best way to make them worse, is to stop talking about them. For me that fact is gospel. I am who I am and today at last, proud of the person that not giving up has made me. Trust me, this is extremely difficult when you are conditioned to hate yourself. I have the utmost respect for those who have used, who they are and their personal stories to demonstrate through them, that there is always hope. It is an extremely difficult thing for me at times to have faith when things are not so well. Seeing others that have conquered such matters, inspires and makes anything attainable in my minds eye. In moments like these, I make a concerted effort to remind myself that I am still here for a reason. It gives me strength and motivates daily knowing that I am not alone. Sharing my story in the hopes that it may give someone else a visual to succeed is a good feeling to have.
However to put things in perspective, without drifting too morbidly into the ‘Darkness’ that still does and will always live inside of me, is that no matter, ‘who, what, when or where, not one of us is getting out of this deal called life, ALIVE! Negative, maybe but nonetheless a reality, certain. Thank you for reading friends, be safe! #LifeIsGold
If you are interested in checking out how ‘Motocross Saved My Life From Its Darkness’ it is available here on multiple platforms. The book is currently listed at 32% off on both Amazon.com and Amazon.ca at the bottom of ‘the book page’ on the site > https://www.brentworrall.com/motocross-saved-my-life.html
Brent 'Airmail' Worrall
It gives me great pleasure to announce my first ever official book launch and signing. The signing will take place this November 22nd and 23rd in my former hometown of Chilliwack B.C. at rounds one and two of the Future West Arenacross Series. The venue of course is the iconic Red Barns located at 44140 Luckakuck Way, that hosts Chilliwack’s annual fair and equine events. This venue is the best I have ever seen to host indoor ‘Arenacross Racing’. The books have arrived and they are absolutely beautiful. After participating in what seemed to be the longest and most gut wrenching marathon of my life in writing this book, I am very excited about this celebration.
A rallying and gathering of friends new and old, to share our common bonds that bind us all. Being Chilliwack born and raised, nothing would be better than to see many of my old friends make an appearance to mingle with myself and those of you, whom I have come to know and love in the ‘Motocross Community’. To be able to extend a handshake gesture of thanks, to each of you for your parts in my nothing short of eventful journey, would certainly be a bucket list check mark.
I am also very intrigued about the prospect of extending a hand of welcome to any newcomers to the ‘Motocross’ world. After the two and half year writing and publishing process, re-connecting with you all my valued friends, is the best medicine or therapy one could have. Trust me, there are many of you that have had a profound impact on my fortitude to press through life’s thick and thin. To see as many of you as possible again, would make everything that I have laid on the line in this book, by sharing my life of dealing with and overcoming multiple traumas / brain injury / spinal cord injury / substance abuse and living with PTSD depression all the more worth while.
Harnessing everything that the unity and power of sport has instilled in me, is an alchemy like no other. I could lay out a laundry list of reasons here as to how I believe that ‘Motocross Saved My Life From Its Darkness’. Rather than that, let’s all head on out to Heritage Park on November 22nd and 23rd at 6:00 PM and talk about it in our collective ‘Happy Place’ of the Motocross track! It is not expensive either, only $20. admission for adults. This indoor discipline of Motocross, which is called ‘Arenacross’ is some of the most insanely intense, adrenaline fuelled, high flying, handlebar to handlebar, paint trading racing action that you will ever experience!
At this event, I will be signing a limited number of full colour ‘paperback’ editions of ‘Motocross Saved My Life…..’ for a discounted price of $30. each and the ‘hardcover trophy editions’ for $45. If you can not be in Chilliwack books are available right now on multiple platforms here!
I am looking forward to seeing as many of you as possible at this celebration. For more Future West Motocross ‘Event’ information, please check out
Don’t be shy, please share this post, tell and friend and LETS GO RACING!
Brent ‘Airmail’ Worrall
Hello again friends and thank you for taking the time to check the ‘Air Mail’ mail via the new blog here at my Authors website. I can honestly say now that having completed the long seemingly endless process of penning an autobiography, it feels a bit strange to be again writing a blog. I am not sure exactly what the reasons are as I have written many blogs, hundreds in fact. However now that I have taken this seemingly blind leap of faith with the endeavour of how ‘Motocross Saved My Life From Its Darkness’ it does feel quite different. I guess in a sense after wearing many different hats in the Motocross media world in recent years, I now feel like somewhat of a ‘free agent’. I am however no stranger to this process as quite few years back, I seriously fancied a career in journalism. A term that we often hear in the writing world is ‘Freelance’ It fit back then and it certainly fits in my life again now.
The year in fact was 1989’ and I had just recently come out of a seriously, self medicated, alcoholic fog. A year prior I had left my home province of B.C. and landed up in Alberta to evade provincial wide arrest warrants. Things were quite messy, heck it was no secret, I was a mess. Even if the long arm of the law could not locate me, I was certain that those behind the unwritten codes of the ‘underworld’ that I was immersed in and had broken, eventually would. Looking back now, having written this book, I am able to take a more introspective and empathetic approach to the nature of the illnesses that I have suffered from. As with most things that I have experienced along this journey, I believe wholeheartedly that timing in life (be it good or bad) is everything and can be a game changer.
In this particular case and time that I am referring to, it was certainly no different. Without going too heavily into detail as it is all in my ‘memoir’ I believe that this narrow vortex of opportunity that I was able to take advantage of, had a huge impact on my writing confidence moving forward. I also believe that it was one of the many key pieces, laid along the way in my life, to eventually becoming the author of my own book. Pieces that at the time seemed to have no real long term meaning or consequence. After writing my book, I am now able to see the fallacy in every word of that type of thought process. Whether I chose to recognize it or not, I now know and believe that everything that happens or drops along life’s pathway, prepares us for something else in the future. With a few months of sobriety under my belt at that time, I set out and made a connection with a man who was the managing editor of a major Calgary based newspaper. With the mental fog in my head somewhat lifted, I yearned to write. I have never considered myself a great communicator when verbalizing my thoughts. However when if comes to writing, for me things seem to flow a lot more ‘uninhibited’ . Ever since I was a kid in elementary school, I always wanted to write stories about the thoughts in my head that interested me. I am sure my english teacher in grade three found it incredibly entertaining to read my story of how my then Hero, Evel Knievel was about to jump, ‘The Great Barrier Reef’ of all things on his motorcycle! I am not even sure that I knew back then exactly what or where the Great Barrier Reef’ even was. What I did know and believe though was that if anyone could jump it, my Hero could and that I needed to tell the world exactly how.
My new found mentor agreed to meet me at his office for an interview to become a weekly contributor to the ‘Newspaper’ During that meeting, I made every effort to be candid while giving him an honest account of what I believed I could provide his paper and the community with. He concluded our meeting by asking me what I wanted to submit first and when I could have it in by. I was not sure that I was prepared for that response at all. When I told him where my interests were and what I planned to submit, he shook my hand in agreement. I do not even remember asking him what format he wanted it in. All I remember is heading out to the nearest secondhand store to buy a used typewriter. As I set out to be the next, ’Slap Maxwell’ (much like I am today, on the verge of releasing my own book), I do not remember having any expectations, reservations or being nervous at all about how my articles would be received. I just did what I believed in and gave my honest account in my own words on what my perception was on whatever or whoever I was writing about.
Again without giving too much away, my time with the ‘Calgary Mirror’ as brief as it was, was a huge building block long before I ever visualized becoming an author. One of the definite highlights that I have encountered and experienced on my journey as a writer, is that writing intensifies my value and connectivity to almost everything that I chose to put to paper. Things that had gone unconnected in my life for years or may have for an eternity, now have special connection and meaning to me, thanks to my writing. Not just the good stuff either, even the bad as well. Embracing the complete picture has allowed me a newfound freedom that would not have been possible without seeing this book project through. I feel incredibly blessed to have not given up on this process before its completion. I am not sure that I know or will ever know the answers to many of life’s mysteries. I do however know and believe that being able to write mine out, helped to make it all the more comprehensibly real. There are some things in life that I will never be proud of that is a no brainer. But if sharing my experiences, strengths and hopes, motivates even one person to never stop trying or give up on their own personal dreams, then my mission will have been accomplished.
If you have any questions or subjects that you would like to see covered or reviewed in a future blog, please e-mail them to me here at the site. I am by no means an expert on any of the many current ‘now issues’ that I have experienced and confront in my book head on, ie; Surviving, PTSD / Multiple Trauma / Substance Abuse / Depression etc. However I am always more than happy to share my experience, strength and hopes on any of these subjects with you all. After all, how each and every one of those has affected, impacted and shaped the man I have become, will be available right here on November 1st in 'How Motocross Saved My Life From Its Darkness'
Brent ‘Airmail’ Worrall
We are very excited about the upcoming release of 'Motocross Saved My Life From Its Darkness' for more information check out the video trailer video below as well as the book page.
Hello friends and welcome aboard the inaugural flight of what will become a regular piece here at my Author's website, simply called ‘Air Mail’. This new outlet will provide me a way of airing out, whatever is on my mind the way I see it. I am hopeful that this endeavour will see us all lift off, take flight and return full circle with ‘Happy Landings’. If those last two words sound familiar, you are on to something. A signature term coined by a man that I believe had a monumental and significant historical impact on the collective scripts, that many of us have written. (More on that later in the blog.) Before we get there though, let me ‘Air’ this out, (no pun intended, okay maybe a little). This blog is not an in depth dissection or glorification of my book, ’Motocross Saved My Life: From Its Darkness’. But trust me, exactly how, in its entirety is all in the book and written in every gut wrenching, living colour detail imaginable. Quite frankly my story is not pretty at all, but I am grateful that I have the opportunity to share it. Sharing it for one reason and one reason only. That is, that others who face any kind of seemingly insurmountable adversity or personal life trauma, may be able to identify in some way and never give up before their own personal miracle. Or as in my case, ‘Miracles’. I believe in my heart, that we are all Trauma Survivors’ of sorts, or of one kind or another. In my case, you may be surprised to know that my life changing spinal cord injury, and longevity prognosis, was not even close to the worst thing, or things that I have experienced and have overcome. I will go to my grave believing deeply in that fact. The book's release date is tentatively set for November 1st and all details will be posted on this site.
In this blog, you will get the real me; uncensored and unfiltered on many things. What I say and write here is only based on what I have experienced and how I feel on the issues that I will chose to tackle and talk about. Be it a spoiler alert or not, I will meet head on and share my thoughts and experiences on many resonating, life changing and potentially life threatening ’now’ issues. Issues such as surviving, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) / Depression / Trauma / Brain Injury / Substance Abuse and more. However, I will not solely focus on those not so fun, but necessary to talk about issues. As with most things in life, no matter who we are or what we are trying to overcome, a healthy balance is imperative to any kind of success. With that being said, there is very good reason that ‘Motocross Saved My Life’ From Its Darkness’. My heart will always beat louder and prouder to the music made by the great sport of ‘Motocross’s - ‘Steel Horse Symphony’. Its invigoration and senses stimulation, whether on or off the motorcycle is an illicit euphoria, like no other that I have ever experienced. Again, once a Motocrosser, always a Motocrosser. Now that the book has been written, the sport again has my fullest and most militant attention.
In 2017, when I shut down everything that I had put my heart and soul into for over four years, with the ‘Canadian Moto Show’ - ‘Motocross Performance Magazine’ along with being an announcer for Future West Moto’ ; to write, It was the most difficult decision that I have ever had to make. Referring back to the letter I wrote at MXP Magazine when I announced my intentions of doing so (which is posted on this sites media page), I admit I was completely worn down physically and not looking forward to what turned out to be a two year process of writing a 187,000 word manuscript. Throughout the process of writing it all down and making it all real, I unfortunately became very ill. The isolation and constant replaying of the worst tapes imaginable, saw me spiral into a very dark a deeply depressed ‘Post Traumatic Stress’ state. Making it all the more hurtful, was in order to piece together a devastatingly dysfunctional life timeline, I had to again step away from what I believe saved my life, Motocross. From January of this year up to July 1st, I lost over forty pounds. I also had a serous cardiac event on June 25th where my heart slowed to almost a stop and my blood pressure was non-existent. Again, thoughts of my death's eminence flooded my head. After over an hour of an Emergency Response team stabilizing me in my bed, I was rushed off to hospital.
I have since undergone a battery of medical tests at four different hospitals and am not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination. In somewhat of a spoiler alert, I have battled a life long condition in my heart that is life threatening under certain stressful circumstances. I have also been battling a suspected neurological issue in my spinal cord. I will be having a final diagnosis scan in Hospital this week. Many of the signals from my neurological centre as a result of my injury complications are causing problems with my organs, most of which are impacting my heart and bladder functions. I have had chronic bladder issues since my life saving surgery and the tachycardia is related to my hearts mitre valve problem diagnosed back in 1983. Compounding and complicating all of this, is that I have also recently been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s powerful and negatively impactful symptoms, I now know all too well are very real. The chart added illustrates many of which I have personally endured.
Adding into all of that; living a life filled with multiple head injures and self medicating, depression and other sport related injuries for most of it. Yes, things have been a struggle recently. These issues are real, and have had a profound impact on my physical being and demeanour. I fought it for many years, but am now thankfully living proof that I now realize, that the symptoms are secondary to my most formidable foes in life, in the form of self medicating. It is never easy to say, hey; I am just another person who needs help. If honest for long enough, we all need help with something. I was never able to succeed at anything in my personal life unless I surrounded myself with winners. I believe that the sport of Motocross taught me just how to do that and become a winner. When I left the sport years ago, I always went with the flow and was a bi-product of my environment and the company I kept. All of the dark places that I am not proud of are recounted in my memoir. They have to be because as soon as I forget how bad my life of self reliance and self medicating ever was, I am in grave danger of going back. I am very proud to have stayed the course of my sobriety, throughout all of which I have faced head on in the last six and half years. Without that, I know that I would not have a chance of overcoming what I am currently now battling.
I have no problem with meeting my maker again on his terms, one day. I however do not believe for a minute though, that my earthly mission is complete or nearing the end. As tough as life is today, even at times having to live from moment to moment, its quality far exceeds any of my darkest days. Nearing the finish line for the book's release date has again given me something positive and tangible to focus on. This project has been the longest ‘Marathon’ that I have ever or will ever participate in. For me, today can always be a good day by staying in the moment and focussing on the now. I call myself a One Trick Pony’ simply meaning that I can only ever do my best work, one minute and one revolution of the wheel at a time.
Now before we get all excited about the upcoming Montreal Supercross or the finale’ of your local outdoor series, let’s talk about what every racer hopes to achieve and that is those, ‘Happy Landings’. You may have already figured out, that phrase was the signature of my first ever two-wheeled idol, Evel Knievel. This Sunday September 8th marks the 45th anniversary of Evel’s il-fated ’Snake River Canyon’ jump. When I set out to write this book, I felt compelled to visit the Canyon jump site that is still intact. Sitting on top of the mound where Evel’s X-2 Sky Cycle launched from was spine- chillingly incredible. My wife Gisela and I spent three full days there at the jump site and pieced together this great video.
Have a look if you would be so kind and if I have shared something that has resonated or struck a cord with any of you, please share it with your family and friends. Simply put, ‘Together We Can’ and we are all living proof that #LifeIsGold
Author of; ‘Motocross Saved My Life From Its Darkness’
Brent ‘Airmail’ Worrall