'Air Mail'

Hello friends and welcome aboard the inaugural flight of what will become a regular piece here at my Author's website, simply called ‘Air Mail’. This new outlet will provide me a way of airing out, whatever is on my mind the way I see it. I am hopeful that this endeavour will see us all lift off, take flight and return full circle with ‘Happy Landings’. If those last two words sound familiar, you are on to something. A signature term coined by a man that I believe had a monumental and significant historical impact on the collective scripts, that many of us have written. (More on that later in the blog.)  Before we get there though, let me ‘Air’ this out, (no pun intended, okay maybe a little). This blog is not an in depth dissection or glorification of my book, ’Motocross Saved My Life: From Its Darkness’. But trust me, exactly how, in its entirety is all in the book and written in every gut wrenching, living colour detail imaginable. Quite frankly my story is not pretty at all, but I am grateful that I have the opportunity to share it. Sharing it for one reason and one reason only. That is, that others who face any kind of seemingly insurmountable adversity or personal life trauma, may be able to identify in some way and never give up before their own personal miracle. Or as in my case, ‘Miracles’. I believe in my heart, that we are all Trauma Survivors’ of sorts, or of one kind or another. In my case, you may be surprised to know that my life changing spinal cord injury, and longevity prognosis, was not even close to the worst thing, or things that I have experienced and have overcome. I will go to my grave believing deeply in that fact. The book's release date is tentatively set for November 1st and all details will be posted on this site.

One of few times this year enjoying my ‘Happy Place’ at the Motocross track with old friends

​In this blog, you will get the real me; uncensored and unfiltered on many things. What I say and write here is only based on what I have experienced and how I feel on the issues that I will chose to tackle and talk about. Be it a spoiler alert or not, I will meet head on and share my thoughts and experiences on many resonating, life changing and potentially life threatening ’now’ issues. Issues such as surviving, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) / Depression /  Trauma / Brain Injury / Substance Abuse and more. However, I will not solely focus on those not so fun, but necessary to talk about issues. As with most things in life, no matter who we are or what we are trying to overcome, a healthy balance is imperative to any kind of success. With that being said, there is very good reason that ‘Motocross Saved My Life’ From Its Darkness’. My heart will always beat louder and prouder to the music made by the great sport of ‘Motocross’s - ‘Steel Horse Symphony’.  Its invigoration and senses stimulation, whether on or off the motorcycle is an illicit euphoria, like no other that I have ever experienced. Again, once a Motocrosser, always a Motocrosser. Now that the book has been written, the sport again has my fullest and most militant attention.

In 2017, when I shut down everything that I had put my heart and soul into for over four years, with the ‘Canadian Moto Show’ - ‘Motocross Performance Magazine’  along with being an announcer for Future West Moto’ ; to write, It was the most difficult decision that I have ever had to make. Referring back to the letter I wrote at MXP Magazine when I announced my intentions of doing so (which is posted on this sites media page), I admit I was completely worn down physically and not looking forward to what turned out to be a two year process of writing a 187,000 word manuscript. Throughout the process of writing it all down and making it all real, I unfortunately became very ill. The isolation and constant replaying of the worst tapes imaginable, saw me spiral into a very dark a deeply depressed ‘Post Traumatic Stress’ state. Making it all the more hurtful, was in order to piece together a devastatingly dysfunctional life timeline, I had to again step away from what I believe saved my life, Motocross. From January of this year up to July 1st, I lost over forty pounds. I also had a serous cardiac event on June 25th where my heart slowed to almost a stop and my blood pressure was non-existent. Again, thoughts of my death's eminence flooded my head. After over an hour of an Emergency Response team stabilizing me in my bed, I was rushed off to hospital.

Bed ridden with chronic infections in late June, gravely underweight

​I have since undergone a battery of medical tests at four different hospitals and am not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination. In somewhat of a spoiler alert, I have battled a life long condition in my heart that is life threatening under certain stressful circumstances. I have also been battling a suspected neurological issue in my spinal cord. I will be having a final diagnosis scan in Hospital this week. Many of the signals from my neurological centre as a result of my injury complications are causing problems with my organs, most of which are impacting my heart and bladder functions. I have had chronic bladder issues since my life saving surgery and the tachycardia is related to my hearts mitre valve problem diagnosed back in 1983. Compounding and complicating all of this, is that I have also recently been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s powerful and negatively impactful symptoms, I now know all too well are very real. The chart added illustrates many of which I have personally endured.

PTSD Symptoms Chart

Adding into all of that; living a life filled with multiple head injures and self medicating, depression and other sport related injuries for most of it. Yes, things have been a struggle recently. These issues are real, and have had a profound impact on my physical being and demeanour. I fought it for many years, but am now thankfully living proof that I now realize, that the symptoms are secondary to my most formidable foes in life, in the form of self medicating. It is never easy to say, hey; I am just another person who needs help. If honest for long enough, we all need help with something. I was never able to succeed at anything in my personal life unless I surrounded myself with winners. I believe that the sport of Motocross taught me just how to do that and become a winner. When I left the sport years ago, I always went with the flow and was a bi-product of my environment and the company I kept. All of the dark places that I am not proud of are recounted in my memoir. They have to be because as soon as I forget how bad my life of self reliance and self medicating ever was, I am in grave danger of going back. I am very proud to have stayed the course of my sobriety, throughout all of which I have faced head on in the last six and half years. Without that, I know that I would not have a chance of overcoming what I am currently now battling.

Gisela and I in Kelowna August 21st this year

​I have no problem with meeting my maker again on his terms, one day. I however do not believe for a minute though, that my earthly mission is complete or nearing the end. As tough as life is today, even at times having to live from moment to moment, its quality far exceeds any of my darkest days. Nearing the finish line for the book's release date has again given me something positive and tangible to focus on. This project has been the longest ‘Marathon’ that I have ever or will ever participate in. For me, today can always be a good day by staying in the moment and focussing on the now. I call myself a One Trick Pony’ simply meaning that I can only ever do my best work, one minute and one revolution of the wheel at a time.

Now before we get all excited about the upcoming Montreal Supercross or the finale’ of your local outdoor series, let’s talk about what every racer hopes to achieve and that is those, ‘Happy Landings’. You may have already figured out, that phrase was the signature of my first ever two-wheeled idol, Evel Knievel. This Sunday September 8th marks the 45th anniversary of Evel’s il-fated ’Snake River Canyon’ jump. When I set out to write this book, I felt compelled to visit the Canyon jump site that is still intact. Sitting on top of the mound where Evel’s X-2 Sky Cycle launched from was spine- chillingly incredible. My wife Gisela and I spent three full days there at the jump site and pieced together this great video.
Have a look if you would be so kind and if I have shared something that has resonated or struck a cord with any of you, please share it with your family and friends. Simply put, ‘Together We Can’ and we are all living proof that #LifeIsGold

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Author of; ‘Motocross Saved My Life From Its Darkness’
Brent ‘Airmail’ Worrall ​